Chaos, discord, disharmony
Since the logistics of a mountain bike + a mini cooper are a pain in the ass, I might have to find an alternate hobby for a bit.
Something like say…. Jump two meters in the air and run 20 miles an hour..
I think this would be a real blast. Til I dug in like Wile E Coyote. But hey, scars are sexy too.
Beauty’s blood work came back with encouraging results. We’re going to go ahead and remove the central mass and send it off for a cytologist to look at. Hopefully she’ll have a few more happy years ahead of her.
Its no secret I’m a big WoW addict. There’s a few folks I’ve spent a year or so grouping with/hanging out with online. We’re a pretty relaxed group worried less about ‘beating the hardest bosses’ and more towards having a good time together.
Don’t get me wrong, I tried the hardcore endgame guilds, but really they’re not for me. Way too tightly compressed and it kinda sucks the fun out of the game. Altho it does yield some gems, like say… this.
Anyways, last night we found out that our grand master shaman of ass kickings has been deployed to Iraq. He’ll be gone for 4 years working (I believe) at the marine corps mountain warfare training base. We’re all very saddened and concerned. Evidently the latency is too high on the satellite link to the net to really do much by way of gaming. We encouraged him to at least not delete the character he’s put all that work into in the short term and we’ll see if we can figure out how we can all keep in tou ch. Really, perhaps in 4 years he can join us in whatever game/craze it is we’ve all moved on to. But more importantly we just want him to return home safe and not shot up.
Well, my ipod is back and happy. Just in time for another season of me throwing us down hills on the bike. I figure a hard drive based mp3 player suffering thru over 2 years of me beating it up is pretty decent. By the time it dies again, hopefully there will be flash based players with enough capacity for all my music.
Xrays show a single tumor outside her abdominal wall. I should hear about her blood tests thursday. Given her youth and energy, if the cancer looks like its something we can potentially treat via surgery, then thats something we’ll contemplate.
I’m taking Beauty to the vet tomorrow. Well,
The hard part comes when I have to decide what to do based on the answer since I know it’ll be nothing but vague, handwaving, asspickery.
Invasive radical surgery to buy 6 more months? Probably not. 2-3 years? Maybe. How can you know? What am I supposed to do? Cut open a chicken and read its entrails? Beat an answer out of the cold, unfeeling dirt below me?
So here I am hoping that she has one pretty well contained mass that needs to come out and things haven’t spread to her other organs. I’m hoping we can neatly excise the mass and that she goes into a fairly long remission and lives another billion years.
Then again, the sane rational side of me knows that there could be microscopic dots all through her. Stuff that’ll never show up on any test, but in weeks or months could turn right back into where she is now.
Tonight I think I’m going to the park. I need a quiet place to sit and listen. I need help. I need answers. I need understanding. I need time and I need space. I wish she could talk so I could explain what’s happening. All she wants is head scratchies and hugs and she gets this. I want this damn running commentary in my head to shut the hell up.
Whatever is responsible for all of creation is in deep, deep shit with me.
Last night I got tickets. I hate it when I underestimate costs, but we’re covered. We’ll be getting into portland on thursday before 1pm. This will give us some time to get settled in and stay up so our internal clocks are more on track for the weekend.
Anyone know places to go/things to see out there? I’d kind of like to take in some of the local sights as well as the convergence related stuff.
Preliminary examination indicates a fast growing, aggressive form of breast cancer in my cat. Those of you who met her know exactly how loving and gentle she is. I’m not sure of her exact age, but I estimate she’s maybe 7. Cancer in cats usually goes quickly. The vet was talking about weeks/months not months/years.
There’s still a glimmer of hope and I’m waiting to hear about some lab work but clinically she’s exhibiting all the signs and symptoms. The brownish discharge from her nipple. The lump under her skin that isn’t anchored to the abdominal wall.
I spent the day coming to terms with the fact that she’s probably going to die much earlier than I expected. The frustrating thing is that there isn’t much I can do. There’s no meaningful treatment. There’s just delaying tactics that involve a lot of suffering for both the owner and the cat. I have to accept that I need to watch her get sick. It is my responsibility to ensure her quality of life is good and it falls to me to make the call on when she’s had enough. I’ll be there at the end and I’ll love the time she spent with me forever.
If you’re not a pet person, it can be hard to understand. This cat came into my life when I was emotionally shattered. She’s done nothing but want to be held, show affection and absolute trust. She’s the most outgoing and friendly cat I’ve ever met. As of now she’s in no obvious pain. She doesn’t even realize she’s sick yet. If it wasn’t for the physical signs I wouldn’t believe it myself.
At least the weather is getting nice out. We can spend a little time outside together. I sincerely hope that I’m wrong and this is just some strange but benign lump that we can have removed.
The more I see – the less I believe
The more I hear – the less I care
Tonight I was hanging out with Kat in the office and Beauty was climbing all over us. If you know Beauty, you know she loves to be held. Kat was sort of tired of her clinging, so I took her for a bit.
While I was holding her, I felt a wet spot on her belly. At first I thought maybe it was water or something. When I looked, I saw a faint pink tinge to the damp spot. So at this point I’m holding her like a baby on her back checking out her belly.
Her upper left nipple is a little red looking and is kind of weepy. Its hard to say if its blood in the discharge or if its something else. At this point its 6:30 so I called the vet.
Since she didn’t seem to be bleeding extensively, didn’t seem to be in any visible pain and wasn’t really acting funny I felt it could wait til first thing in the morning. So at 8:20 I’ll be at the vet’s office.
While I was cleaning off her belly and checking her other nipples (they seem fine, there’s just one thats a little engorged and slightly discolored) I felt a lump near the area just under her skin. I’m afraid its a tumor putting pressure on her mammary glands and possibly causing the discharge. I’m reasonably certain that this is the first day this has occurred.
I fear the worst.
I finally did my taxes last night. I’m used to just about breaking even. I never get back big refunds mainly because I’m a miserly bastard and hate it when the feds take more than what’s theirs.
Evidently I need to adjust my deductions because I’m getting back a decent amount this year. The timing is quite good because the refund defrays a bunch of convergence related expenses for Kat and I.