Ramblings of a mental patient

I’d like a morning in the bathroom without the cats climbing on me while I try to do what one does to the bathroom.

Kat & I had a nice weekend together. We wound up going out for an afternoon picnic at the cemetery near valley forge park. It was nice and quiet despite being a beautiful summer day. The main parts of the park get too crowded. We wound up walking through the quiet graveyard and had a nice time together. I never get sick of this woman.

We found some rather cool looking head stones and I played with the graveyard toads. These pics are off my phone since I didn’t think to bring a camera.

Head stone

Another one

Things that hop

Today I think I might go for a bike ride, the weather’s nice and I could use a nice long ride.

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. I think I’ve decided that a few family members haven’t made the cut, so I’ve decided they’re dead to me.

A while back, my uncle “committed suicide”. I wasn’t on the grassy knoll, so I’m not sure how he managed to shoot himself in the head. twice. two hours apart. But evidently thats what he did. No chance of an autopsy since he was cremated straight away. Shortly before killing himself, he willed the house to his wife (instead of kids) who had been having a long running affair known to, well, everybody.

Whatever. Nothing anyone can do will ever shed any light on his reasoning, motives or frame of mind. While I have some sentimental memories of my grandmothers house growing up, I’ve accepted that its essentially out of the family at this point. As for my uncle, well, he’s not tired cold or hungry, so you just have to move on.

However, he left behind 2 teenaged sons. Both of them are very sick with cystic fibrosis. My uncle was essentially the nurse. He made sure they did their therapy. He ensured they were on their nebulizer’s at night. In short, he turned a blind eye to his wife’s indiscretions and took care of the kids.

So now its all bliss in vermont. Her long time boyfriend is moved into her house with here and the kids. She can get high all day or whatever it is she’s doing and have a great time. In the mean time, my cousins are the ones getting shafted.

I can’t speak as to how they rationalize their father. He certainly had his faults. They seem ok with their step dad. They’re pretty mature for their age and get lots of gifts/etc from the family. So what could be wrong? Well, for one thing they’re still kids. They don’t do their therapy as often as they should. “Yeah mom, sure. I did that already.”.

As a result, my 16 year old cousin is a candidate for a lung transplant. This is a last ditch procedure that There’s some question as to if he’ll make it to his 18th birthday. He hasn’t been told this. There’s also some question as to if he’d even survive the operation.

CF kills. It just does. But the life expectancy in the USA for someone born with it is generally much higher. Its not uncommon to at least make it to your 30th birthday. When my cousins are dead, my ties to vermont are severed.

My brother will be leaving there soon. I think he’s had a minor awakening and is getting out and starting over. I hope he can do it. So, the only people left that I know there are my aunt and my father. Both of them are worthless.

I haven’t spoken to my father in years. I really have nothing to say to someone who refuses to take care of themselves. In fact, last I was in vermont I quite intentionally didn’t introduce him to Kat. I think I’ll have to write a letter and just spell it out for him.

I’m glad I inherited his constitution and seemingly mutant ability to withstand massive drug overdoses, but the alcoholism and propensity to drug addiction outweigh the benefit of not getting hangovers.

The last time I paid him a visit he was living in squalor and didn’t recognize me for 45 minutes. He said nothing and had the shakes. He exists from one day to the next looking for the next cheap high he can score or booze he can drink. His skills and talents are gone. His memory is shot. He still feels the world owes him an apology and can’t fathom the mess he’s made is his own.

This leaves my mother and my brother. My mother continues to smoke as if she misses her tumor. My brother has a gift for making the worst decisions possible. Assuming I out live Kat, I will have no attachment to the world when I die. I’ll represent a dead end in the family tree. This suits me.

First, thanks to everyone who came to the victorian party. It was so good to see everyone and you all looked great!

I have the pictures up at here.

I also found that I’d forgotten some pics from jamaica, so that was a happy discovery as well.

I’ve been playing around with my trial .Mac account. I exported our wedding photos to an iWeb gallery and published our wedding ceremony. If you weren’t there and haven’t seen it yet, check it out.

Once the trial’s over I’ll probably just republish it on neverlight. But for now, playing around with the integrated apps is kinda neat.

5 days spent in the sun diving and snorkeling? No problem.

1 day at valley forge park hanging out with Kat? I sunburned, peeling head. I have extreme ultimate sexiness sloughing off my head in flakes and cold, dead strips of skin. Tonight I waste razors shaving off my stubble and killed scalp material.

Actually we got in friday night, but I’m lazy and wanted to veg.

Jamaica was kickass! We had nonstop fun from the time we got to the resort til we left. I think I fell in love with the ocean. I love the water, and the crystal blue water waiting at the shore every morning was great.

The weather was perfect for the entire trip. We woke up early every day, had breakfast and went to the beach. I snorkled and checked out the reef. The first thing I did on arrival was sign up for scuba diving.

I did 2 shallow (30-40 foot) dives. One on tuesday, another on thursday. If you ever thought about doing this, I cannot stress how amazing it was. I loved it. I shot 2 rolls of film in those cheap underwater cameras. Unfortunately, they don’t do justice to the experience. I wish I could have convinced Kat to go, but she was having none of it. Evidently that “Deep Water” movie really spooked her.

However, I did talk her into going out on a boat for a night time snorkling session in the reef just after the sun went down. Our guide gave us underwater lights. We saw lobster, eels and brightly colored fish. She had a mild panic attack when we first hit the water. It was deep (30ft or so) near the boat and she couldn’t see the bottom at night. Once we got to the reef she enjoyed it.

Unfortunately none of the pictures I took under water turned out very well. Such is life.

5 days of rum soaked days spent on the beach in the sun, kayaking along the shore, taking a buggy ride around the villas near the resort… the list goes on. There was unlimited top shelf liquor on the house. Every day there were huge buffet style spreads for each meal. The all inclusive thing rocked.

That said, the poverty there is spirit crushing. There are people living in shacks made from old sheet metal. No power, no water. They all want to sell you something. Beads, shells, hand crafted jewlery. Anything to help. It was really humbling to experience. When Kat and I walked up the beach out of the resort and talked to people who were just trying to survive, it was… sad.

That all said, here are the pics from our trip. 5 days in the sun and no long lasting burn. I got a little red while kayaking since the ocean was removing any sunscreen on my legs. However, it was pretty much just a tan by the next day.