Ramblings of a mental patient

A few days ago Kat went and picked up her new MINI. Its a great car, much nicer than her old neon.

Saturday I gave her a platinum /diamond ring. Her feet have not touched the ground yet. I love you baby, the more time we spend together the more I realize how much I care for you.

We picked up Kat’s MINI last night. This car rocks! I’d almost consider trading in my jeep for it. It drives nice, handles well and has some VERY luxurious features. The stereo sounds great. If you’ve been in her old car, you’ll understand.

The instrumentation is good, and the interior feels nice and roomy. We took a few pictures before my camera died a very mysterious and abrupt death. I had to dig up a flash card reader to get the pictures off the damn thing…..

Anyways, see her in her new car here

Its funny, because last night I had a dream about a ring of fire. I met the devil. Not the metaphorical devil, the actual fire and brimstone dude. We got on pretty well. I explained that he didn’t exist and I wasn’t really indoctrinated into this whole divisive belief system. Its too tiresome for me. He was cool with that. After all, I don’t exist anymore than he does.

We chilled out on the lake of fire, threw rocks at the fallen and took turns trying to explain how time isn’t actually real. Nice guy, even if he didn’t really get where I was coming from. Hope to see him again. When he gets bored with it, maybe I’ll apply for the gig.

Answering questions is so time consuming… where’s the remote?

You Are 0% Evil

You are good. So good, that you make evil people squirm. Just remember, you may need to turn to the dark side to get what you want!

There, see? I’m good. Teh intarweb says so. Nothing to see here. No bodies hidden in my closet, no sir.

She’ll be moving her home office next month. So, can anyone give me a hand moving heavy things the weekend of the 18th? I figure it’ll take the better part of a day to get the big stuff out. I’ll go back the next day or weekend to clean up and do the small stuff by myself.

Please be careful of this

I got contacts that match my spirit.

Hi, mom!

And they match my portrait…

These things are huge. Putting them in involves sliding them under one eye lid, then back up the other. That said, they’re not as painful as I was lead to believe. My vision in them isn’t perfect, especially my peripheral. For that reason I’d hesitate to drive in them for now. Still, they look heartwarming.

My web/email server has run off into the bushes. Until I can coax it down out of the trees, you can email me via jason.stelzer at gmail.com

Blah, I hope this doesn’t mean a wrecked drive…. phobia and mania have an uptime of several hundred days.

I’ve been feeling stagnant lately, so this weekend I’ve started on a couple new things.

Friday night Kat went out so I setup a sealed mail server. This means user accounts are completely virtual. Compromising an email account means nothing to the security of the system itself. Poor password choices are much less of a security risk in such a system.

Saturday saw the arrival of a book I’ve been waiting for. I’m teaching myself linear algebra, matrix theory and N dimensional geometry. This has the practical application of allowing me to refine some software I’ve been writing in my spare time as well as keeping me on my toes. I’ve found that a combination of the book and MIT’s open courseware has allowed me to make much more sense out of algorithms I’ve been using as well as teaching me how to read math proofs (which are quite prevalent when reading about 3d programing). All in all reading math formulas isn’t much different from reading code in other languages. I just need a pile of paper and a few sharp pencils to work through things til I ‘get’ it.

I’m actually considering looking into taking some math courses at college. Of course, that opens up a whole different set of issues, so its not likely to happen. My formal education is essentially zero. I never finished high school, and got bad grades while I did go. In my universe high school was a state of being. But, the past is past. Fortunately for me I’m perfectly willing and able to educate myself.

I guess its old age. I’m beginning to regret my educational decisions to the point that perhaps the only thing left to do is to make an attempt to change things. I have no doubt that I can learn in a bubble. I have my whole life.

Still, it would go faster if I knew a group of peers with whom I could discuss what I’m trying to learn. Guess I’ll see if there’s any lists or discussion forums online that are on my level.

It wasn’t a purely academic weekend. There was copious booze and world of warcrack. Now I’m relaxing with a shiraz, my powerbook and a stupid movie. Bulletproof Monk is a great way to get over brain overload. Much to Kat’s horror.

Oh, never mind. Stupid movie night has been canceled on account of bleakhouse. Guess I’ll see who’s on WoW.

I have a dream that one day, all men will hate one another equally. For certainly, the danger of peace is safely behind us and has been for thousands of years. The technological pace of the last hundred years has allowed violence and hate at a pace that staggers the mind and warms the soul in the glow of balefire and fallout.

Today is a vocab day here. Todays word is dhimmitude. Learn it, love it. Embrace it, for without it we will perish. The birds will come in the night and breath their avian diseases on your children while they sleep. The terrorists will use weapons of mass destruction they have stockpiled in their oil wells against us. These are the reasons you must submit. Relinquish control and we will guide you. Self determination is so messy, just let us think for you. Just learn to fear and to consume and to do as you’re told. This freedom we have was won at a steep cost. Now take off your shoes and show us your papers.

Is it fascism yet?

“Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist
the black flag, and begin slitting throats.” – Henry Louis Mencken
(1880-1956)

I was talking with Kat last night on the subject of my brain damage.

Her argument was that I am not a stupid human being. My argument was that we all are, and I’m dumber than the norm. For the record, I’m a non practicing drug addict. I’m a high school drop out. I’ve had a poor track record in personal relationships. I’m immoral and I dress funny. Knowing all this, I chose to do nothing about it. Therefore, I’m just dumb.

At the end of it, I relented and said that I am orgiastically unwise.

At the other end of the spectrum, there are those who revel in their self imposed frontal lobotomies. Case in point, my cousin. I love the kid and he means well, but my god. “Hey dude wut r u up 2 lol y r u not on much” Ok, so he’s 16, a poor typist and perhaps this is the clicks and whistles that kids use to communicate.

The frightening thing? I have seen written communications at work that rival the eye rape above. These come from ostensibly educated people with remarkably bad written communication skills.

As bad as I am at articulating my ideas, I’m beginning to think that my willingness to use the fucking spell checker sets me above many people. My ability to use at least some punctuation elevates me further. At a time when most communication is done out of sync and all sense of inflection and body language is removed, is there an opportunity to make money in the “language coach” field? Again, the least worst is best.

Is it really that difficult to create a semi coherent, readable message? Is there something cool about coming off as a barely literate cretin that I’m not understanding? How do these people even get a job interview? Does someone else author their resumes?

In short, WTF?